When anxiety hits, we often don’t know exactly what is bothering us. Sometimes quick tools of slowing down our breath or calling a good friend will help us release anxiety or fear immediately.
But some other times we will need to dive deeper and find “the rock bottom” of sorts in order to fully understand what is hiding underneath this anxiety.
It’s a controlled dive, though.
Something we choose to do when ready.
How does it look like? In my world, it looks like yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, healing writing, and talking to myself. I call it “Emotional Release Yoga” (ERY).
Recently I used ERY to unmask my anxiety’s true face - the fear of making a mistake. That happened a few weeks ago when I woke up in the middle of the night feeling anxious. I felt it in my chest: my heart fluttered uncomfortably and my breath felt really shallow. I knew it straight away: the heart chakra was off!
I helped myself to get back to sleep by listening to this Yoga Nidra practice that I created for you guys. I use it a lot too - as they say: “Be your own Guru”!
The next day I woke up with that same feeling in my chest and I knew that I had to sit with it to uncover and embrace something that was hiding underneath. So I started with asanas (yogic poses) that targeted the heart chakra: chest and shoulder openers, thoracic spine work, I did some pranayama (breathing exercises). I intuitively decided to conclude with a restorative forward bend that worked my kidney meridian.
While in this forward bend pose, I went back to my anxiety and looked it right in the face. After a while, tears started rolling down my cheeks and I knew what really bothered me.
FEAR OF MAKING A MISTAKE and possibly getting punished for that.
As I held this pose and cried, I remembered a few instances from back when I was a primary school student. I had a very strict teacher, with who I often got into trouble. As a child, I loved being seen: I loved dancing and singing. But for some reason, Ms Louisa saw it as showing off and often reported my ill behaviour to my parents. This felt really unfair and painful, and with time I was really afraid to be noticed by her or to be published again. I have learned that being seen was a mistake I should not be repeating.
So there I was a 41-year old woman, who dared to be seen and who was getting extremely anxious about it. Today’s situation is not about dancing or singing, but nonetheless, it’s about being seen, personal boundaries, and finding my voice. And what’s more, I really don’t need my primary teacher’s voice stuck in my head to stop me from being me.
Emotional Release Yoga is about shedding limiting beliefs,
clearing triggers and letting go of old behavioural patterns.
Once I knew it was fear that was behind my anxiety, I did a few more yin yoga poses for kidney and bladder meridians. As you possibly know, in Traditional Chinese Medicine, the bladder and kidney pair is related to the emotion of fear and paralysed willpower.
As I breathed and moved, I also started talking to the eight-year-old me saying how much I loved her dancing and singing, how much I wanted for her to be seen. I told her it was not a mistake to be seen, that she won’t be punished for it, and that if anything - she is safe and protected.
That day savasana was so deep that I fell asleep. As I woke up, my anxiety was gone. And when the next day I scanned my body one more time to see if there was still some residue I could work on, to my delight - there was nothing to sit with. It was all gone.
ERY is such a powerful tool, my baby. I’m really proud of my creation and of all the people that have changed their lives for the better through this practice.
May you be happy, healthy, and content.