Yesterday I received some bad news I did not expect coming - I lost 3 classes at a gym where I teach.
In a snap of a finger, my world was turned upside down. One moment I was coming out of my class feeling elated because two people gave me such beautiful feedback, thanked me and said they were my fans. And a moment later I was in my car driving to pick up Dan from school and sobbing at my loss.
You would say that an Emotional Release Yoga Teacher would know better and will do what she preaches straight away - do the practice of Emotional Release!
Well, she did not…Not straight away anyway.
What she did though is hide in her bedroom, be sad and scroll away on her phone. Yes, that’s my favourite numbing technique - to grab my phone and get lost in the digital world and not feel the pain.
I wonder what is your favourite numbing strategy?
Netflix with a glass of wine?
Cookies and chocolate?
Shopping?
Whatever that is, it is a good distraction from raw and real feelings. It works so long we can keep at it. But inevitably we have to face a moment of going back to bed. And this is when all the unprocessed stuff hits us in a full swing again.
Now that you are done numbing and are ready for bed, the thoughts will flood your head and you will start feeling shitty again. Hello, INSOMNIA…
This is exactly what happened to me yesterday. Me, my bed, thousands of negative thoughts, and phone next to me. Me scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. At 11 pm I had to admit that I had to put an end to it. Because I knew the perfect cure for insomnia - Emotional Release Yoga.
So I put my phone aside, sat up straight in my bed, and closed my eyes.
I found stillness, that headspace of observing witness. Instead of following and evolving every thought that my mind threw at me - I sat and listened to my own chatter. I did not analyse, I did not look for solutions, I wasn’t planning. I sat and listened. Sat and listened.
When I was still enough I heard my body speaking. My throat was burning, tears were streaming down. I felt hot, hopeless and lonely. I was confused, powerless and angry. I felt profound sadness and grieved about all the beautiful connections that are bound to be broken and lost.
I sat and cried. I cried some more.
Slowly my tear streams started drying out, there was this vibrant emptiness in my head. I became very clear about what is happening to me. I do not know what that is exactly, but I am onto something beautiful, authentic, and powerful. It is coming my way, clearing space for itself. It is about Emotional Release Yoga.
Suddenly, I felt easy and very tired. I put my head on a cushion in a few seconds I drifted away.
Sleep.
You are precious.
I love you.
Thank you for being in my life, thank you for healing me.