I started my spiritual journey at the age of 20 with transcendental meditation. While still living in Kazakhstan, I paid US$50 for my mantra and began practising. It was great. 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening. I was diligent and never missed a day. At the end of that same year, I moved to Amsterdam.
Maharishi Mahesh yogi also lived in Holland and I happened to watch a program about him on the Dutch TV. The program was about 80 staff members that served in his Vlodrop palace...without a pay! Modern slavery. This was shocking. It was painful. I stopped this practice and started looking for a new teacher.
In 2002 I went to a public talk by Sogyal Rinpoche. It was powerful. He introduced me to the nature of my mind. To that vast, empty, grounded, switched on state. Since then I followed him, went to Lerab Ling, his centre in France. Did a meditation retreat, attended all the teachings that I could.
I did hear about some sex scandals in relation to Rinpoche, but never paid attention to those. Because Buddhist teachings say not to get involved in gossip. But in 2011 while living in London I watched a documentary about a girl who came out about it. She told of all the atrocities of being his consort. It involved sex, slapping, emotional abuse. It was bad…
In 2004 I started practising astanga. A practice that actually became the biggest part of my daily sadhana. In 2006 I was in Mysore practising at the feet of Sri K. Pattabhi Jois. That year, a girl I was sharing the house with surprised me by saying she would not practice with Guruji. Instead, she practised with Sharath. The reason was - inappropriate touching. That surprised me but I decided that she was maybe too sensitive about it. I forgot this all together for many years.
But the truth started emerging. One after another, women came forward and told their stories. Senior teachers admitted they knew about the issue and addressed Guruji about it.
Why am I sharing this?
Because I am confused to start with. How could someone who inspired one person, hurt another? Being a yoga teacher, how can I make sure no-one gets hurt by my actions and words. I see many people daily. I care about them. And I am not perfect. Yoga teachers continue their yoga study by passing the knowledge on. We too deal with our emotions, patterns, shortcomings and issues.
I understand and accept that every aspect of life has the good and the bad. This universal law is no exception for Gurus. The three masters I mentioned above gave a lot to the world. They produced amazing students, they transformed lives. Mine included. And they misbehaved too.
The one thing there is for sure: we can't change the past. But we can change the future. We can change our attitude towards the institution of Guru. We need to scrutinize Guru's actions. Especially when we have the slightest doubt about their integrity. Today I listened to HH Dalai Lama speaking on this subject. He even urges to not follow a lama’s teaching if he behaved improperly.
Did I unfollow the teachings? Well, I definitely stopped TM. As for Buddhism, I follow a different master. I am happy to say that Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche was never involved in any scandal. I consider him as one of the living enlightened masters of these days. And astanga - it is no longer my daily practice. I love it still and practice it a few times a week. But for some reason, there is no more thirst for it. My body no longer hungers rigorous strong practice and advanced poses. I get much more out of gentle asana, pranayama, meditation and chanting. The interesting thing is that my body is more open and stronger than when I did astanga daily.
So unfollowing happened naturally. And it coincided with bad news surfacing. I am sure everything happens for a reason. There is no such thing as chance. Energy is a very orderly matter.
One thing I am still hoping for is HEALING. Our healing as a sangha. Within the astanga family as much as within Rigpa. I guess for astangis the situation is somewhat easier because Guruji is no longer with us. It is now up to Sharath to admit, apologise to victims and to allow for the healing process to begin. As for Rigpa - the majority of students won't have any of this. This whole situation has some explanation. It is hard for them. They love their master for what he has done for them and for the community. But the rose glasses need to come off at some point. I hope this will happen sooner than later.