I was 30 and I was angry.
It was a rough patch of my life. A relationship of 11 years just fell apart and I quit my corporate job. I had very little money because I started a business - Astanga Yoga School Amsterdam.
I was sad and could no longer put a happy smile on my face. And when I finally admitted to my parents that I wasn’t doing well, they could not take it so well, too. The easy go-lightly Madina wasn’t there and it was hard on them.
This is when I got so angry. I was fed up with being smart, always doing well, brave one. For the first time in my life I saw my inner child standing there: scared and small. And all she could do to cope with her emotions was to be helpful, perfect and brave.
This worked. Up until this point where it did not anymore.
If you met me back then, you would hear me ranting about all things from my childhood that were wrong. I was so bitter and I could not let go.
Of course, I was still the normal me and doing my best to serve and give, but if the conversation somehow deviated to my childhood...I would get so bitter that my throat would hurt.
The interesting thing was that talking about this did not help and after 5 years of this poison spitting I realised that I was sick of myself playing that same boring record over and over again. This is when I sat with my anger for the first time and decided to figure it out once and for all.
So Anger.
An emotion caused by power lost.
Propelled by unclear boundaries.
Anger’s by-product is self-pity.
And we use it as an excuse
for not doing what we need to do.
To be fulfilled and thriving.
Read it a few times.
What do you think?
Does it resonate with you?
This is my way of dealing with emotions. I sit with them. I feel them. But I also need to unpack them fully and create these short poems. Every emotion that I worked with has its own poem. And words can’t explain how much work was put into writing each of them. Lot’s of suffering, tears, and honesty.
All this work resulted in me creating Emotional Release Yoga. My baby, I love and cherish so much. The work that is lived, tested and earned. I hope one day you will join me in one of the courses because this is my thing now. My truth.
Did you know that the chakra of truth is the throat one? So finally I let go of it and do what I was always meant to do. To help others heal themselves.